Warped Reality was, in its first incarnation, a real honest-to-goodness paper and staples magazine published between 1993 and 1996. In 2005, it was revived online and has continued to be a content-rich resource for a very tailored demographic. Who exactly? Fans of whatever Andrea Feldman or occasional guest contributors are listening to at the time and/or have loved for years. Go get an eyeful (and, more often than not, an earful), won't you?

It's a simple set-up. Andrea was sent six untagged, generically named, mp3s and instructed to simply write a few sentences after listening to each one. Whether she recognized any of the songs or not, I wanted her to comment honestly and succinctly on three currently popular songs and also on three songs from the past. What you see below are Andrea's responses, as well as mp3s of the three older songs for you, the reader.

Gnarls Barkley, "Crazy"

This song soars like a great lost '70s soul track. It's not (those canned rhythm tracks give it away) but it's got the spirit. And not in an ironic hipster-pastiche sorta way either—this is graceful, deft, and deeply felt. Where did this come from, and is there more?

James Blunt, "You're Beautiful"

The kind of white-boy soulful earnestness that has zero actual soul and no sense of humor whatsoever (it sounds even crappier next to Track #1). Blander than bland and inoffensive to the extreme, this brand of competent, palatable bullshit is inexplicably more popular than Britney ringtones. This guy's got a Rod Stewart-y rasp going for him, and a kind of sub-par Jamiroquai smoothness, if you like that sort of thing.

Pet Shop Boys, "I'm With Stupid"

I've never really fallen for the Pet Shop Boys. They have many qualities that I admire in theory: Britishness; an unerring sense of pop craft; clever, arch lyrics; and a certain sense of wistful nostalgia offset by cutting wit. I think my real problem with them, though, is that sonically their songs are just too clean and bright-sounding—there's very little to hold onto. I forgot this the second it was over.

The Luv'd Ones, "Up Down Sue" (MP3)

This sounds horrifically familiar, like I've heard it on a soundtrack or something. As for time and place, the wanky guitar places us squarely in the '80s, I'd wager. The singer has a strange, marble-mouthed delivery that makes me think she's not singing in her native language. But I could be wrong. Lyrically this is a string of clichés and musically it has no dynamic range. Dull as ditch-water.

(Upon being informed of the artist and the song's actual era [the '60s]: "Oh no, now I feel bad about dissing the Luv'd Ones! It does sound a bit out of time now that I know when it's from. I wish I could figure out what it's reminding me of. Argh. It'll come to me...")

Motörhead, "I'll Be Your Sister" (MP3)

Oh, Lemmy. Or should I say Lëmmy? I'm not exactly a fan, but this has a purity and primalness that I gotta admire. You'll never find Lemmy collaborating with world-beat musicians (unless Wendy O'Williams counts?) or expounding on politics. Fuck that, they're Motörhead! Anthemic punches to the gut are what they do and they do 'em well. Why mess with perfection?

Dr. John the Night Tripper, "Walk On Guilded Splinters" (MP3)

Wow, this has "unhinged '70s high-concept LP" written all over it. (Can we say "double-gatefold"?) Lyrically it seems to be working a fascination with Voudoun, with some vaguely Haitian inflection throughout. But for all the lyrical over-the-top-ness, this slice of overheated gumbo funk is held just enough in check, unfolding slowly with coiled-up, slow-burn tension. It's got an admirable sense of restraint for something that really could have gone off the rails (which it does at the very end, but by then it's earned it).