Inspired by a recent article by Ted Botha in the New York Times on the pecking order of exercisers in Central Park and the so-called Parkocracy, I've come up with a guide to the hierarchy found at indie rock shows here in New York. In descending order of control and influence over you finding a good spot and enjoying a show in one of our city's fine venues, I present the Gigocracy:

(1) The Messageboarder - moderates online message boards and/or runs a fan site, f.a.q. or band-dedicated blog. Always at the gig early and almost always at the front. Bands of messageboarders use elbows and condescending looks to keep drunks and bargers out. Cautious response from the band. Band needs them and kisses up to them, but fears their obsessive tendencies. During the show, messagboarders will text setlist updates and other exacting details to the fan site. Afterwards, messageboarders will assemble and rehash the minutiae of the show with excruciating precision. Messageboarders who stray from the pack and end up scattered around the venue are known as Screamers or Singers.

(2) The Blogger - With digital camera in hand, the blogger is the second ring of the gigocracy. Unlike the messageboarder, the blogger works under the premise of objectivity and displays less overt fan-boy tendencies. While not as meticulously informed as the messageboarder, the blogger knows considerably more than the average person about the band. Often works in the music or journalism industries and rarely pays to get into a gig. Alcohol or other mind-altering substances will reveal the blogger's true nature: the messageboarder.

(Exception #1) The Drunk - Anyone can leap from their sober stratum into the much-despised class of the drunk. Once sufficiently inebriated, the drunk will become belligerent and will push, shove and stumble in the general direction of the stage. Usually followed by concerned friends who regret having invited them. A drunk blogger will take wildly out-of-focus pictures and lose all pretense of detachment, thus becoming indistinguishable from the messageboarder. A drunk messageboarder will begin shouting out obscure song requests.

(3) The Hipster - Forming the third ring at any indie rock show is the hipster. Notorious and lampooned for lack of participation at concerts. Body movements are usually constraint to the traditional head bob, but less cool activities such as dancing have been spotted, although under the guise of "irony." Also known for their rather fickle band support. Like a mirage, hipsters tend to disappear when a band starts to "get too popular" or "sell out." Hipsters are frequently also bloggers, but they're pained to admit it in public.

(Exception #2) Bargers - These are groups of two or more people who wait until the show has started to shove their way to the front of the stage. The lead barger clears a path, allowing trailing members to follow in the wake. The barge group will get as close as possible, usually in front of bloggers and hipsters but blocked by messageboarders. The most successful bargers are fem-bargers. Led by a female, these groups move to the front with amazing ease as the male gigocracy makes room for them, hoping to either cop a feel or get lucky. It helps if the lead fem-barger is attractive, but either way this group is highly successful and dangerous.

(4) The Oldschooler - Often pushed aside or ridiculed. Most commonly seen at revival or reunion shows. Easy spotted because of receding hairline. Almost always wears an old concert t-shirt. Knows all the "early" stuff and can outdo anyone with obscure song requests. They've been fans since "the beginning" and look down upon the band's younger waves of fans, but begrudge their energy.

(Exception #3) The Tall - Anyone taller than 6'0". Besides the drunk, one of the most feared classes. The tall ignore the sad fate of shorter people and block clear views of the stage. Odds are, the more you want to see a band, the greater the chances of you standing behind a pack of tall dudes. Especially onerous are the tall who wear hats, have an afro or dreads. The tall normally travel in groups and thus present one of the most difficult obstacles to viewing and enjoying a gig. Since they can already see the stage, the tall should stay to the side or the back of the audience or stand against a post or pillar.

(5) The Kings and Queens of the Coat Check - The lowest rung. Seldom leave the bar area or back of the audience, even if it means not actually seeing the band perform. Prefers socializing over participation and is content to listen to audio feed of the show or watch it on closed-circuit television. Moniker derived from their proximity to the coat check room - they are always first in the queue. Despite having not actually seen the show, will claim to have "loved it" and will recall their favorite on-stage moments with amazing clarity. These facts are usually "borrowed" from friends or blogs. At larger venues, KOCCs will spill out and mix with other attendees, usually ruining the show with their constant chattering and frequent bathroom breaks.